MENE MENE

several times in my life I have been instructed to do things. Many times, these are things I would have liked to do anyway; such as work really hard so I get money to buy useless things with. No More Say I! I shall be my own MAN and free myself of clothing which was made by small children getting paid less per day than I get paid per fifteen minute span.

No more shall I drive the behemoth air-eaters we call automobiles (or cars)! I shall walk as our ancestors did - even across the hot sun! I shall not wear shoes made of cows and other living things! Oh! To free myself of the chains of "America," I shall not live in a house which is planted on land that could be used for corn or something!
I shall live in the woods, because houses are man-made! I shall not kill any living thing, even though my fellow animals do it all the time!
I shall gather herds of other human animals and march proudly off cliffs, following the example of the great lemming! Yes - I shall follow the ancient ways of my animal brethren and eat my young, as well as my lover after we copulate!
My skin will be hairy like the buffalo!
I shall follow the example of brother canine and scoot along the carpet!
I shall fly right into the face of the bug zapper that is America!!! with no thought of consequence!!!
I shall mate in front of the visitors at the zoo with no shame!!!  

I no longer am oppressed by the oppression of pants!

My fingernails and hair will grow really really long!
I shall protest leather by being tipped while I sleep!
I will defecate outside the litter box, even if I'm not supposed to and I won't get my catnip if I do!

I SHALL BEACH MYSELF!