this is the way, captain.  everything else on this page is a lie.  it's all propaganda and disinformation.

you're losing the game and the mandrills have conquered the food court.

now is not the time to throw the controller and spit doritos at your sister.

danger, astronaut!

they are multiplying.

i'm out of here, soldier!

calcu-later!

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leave me alone, i'm going to my room to be alone now.

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if you're still lost, the Atari hint book says the magic sparkly controller will get you back on track and let you find the secret hidden name of the secret game designer whose name is hidden in the secret magic dungeon by the dragon that looks like a duck. click click.