The Bad Scary Place was created by The Apocalyptic Subculture Cowboy. (He is leaning against the text.)

It is a figment of his imagination. It is a figment of your imagination. It is Dada HTML pop art nonsense. It allows you to participate in your own manipulation. It makes you a better consumer. It is 98% more mint-flavored than the leading brand. Your family will love it. It increases your leisure time and improves memory. It teaches children how to read. It is entirely a lie. It is fiction written by a million monkeys at a million typewriters after a million gallons of espresso. It is ultra-thick. It is extra-smooth. It is battery operated and recycled. It is the trash heap of my subconscious, and, if you're reading this... it is now the trash heap of your subconscious as well.

No animals were harmed during the creation of The Bad Scary Place, with the exception of insects that had it coming. Several pots of coffee, bottles of beer, and bottles of red wine were consumed during its birth, as were multiple frozen pizzas and burritos. It is a work in progress. It is an unfinished chair that you can sit in anyway. It will eat the parsley off your plate after you finish your steak. It leaves your phone off the hook and remembers to turn out the light when it's done. It makes your skin softer and your teeth whiter. It is the ultimate onslaught of images in the age of the ultimate onslaught of images. It has attention defecit hyperactivity disorder and gives its Ritalin to ferrets. It is infinity as a rubber band.

Much of The Bad Scary Place was created while under the influence of Radiohead, Ween, David Sylvian, various ambient techno, Hawaiian instrumentals, and white noise. It goes perfectly with the hum of a refrigerator. Using The Bad Scary Place is not recommended while listening to country music or rap, with the exception of Johnny Cash on the country end and De La Soul on the rap end. Use caution while operating heavy machinery.

The Bad Scary Place is what would happen if a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book collided with a television set (hooked up to satellite and tuned to QVC) after having a nervous breakdown. It is a Las Vegas televangelist turned up to 11. It is twilight sleep at T3 speed. It is not artificial intelligence. It is artificial stupidity. And you love it.